Let's never talk about this again.
You've got me right where you want me.
(Let's never talk)
Let's never talk, let's never -
Let's never talk about this again because...
I didn't want it to mean that much to me.

-- "Bike Scene", Taking Back Sunday

I listen to too much acoustic guitar emotion filled songs.

I thought homophobia and all its forms of consequential disrespect and paranoia was so 1990s, but the reactions of some of my friends towards those of differing sexualities in general are kinda surprising me, frustrating me even. What does ones sexuality really have to do with..anything?

Friendster has outdone itself with a nifty new "Who's Viewed My Profile" feature. Oh joy, how lovely to note the anonymous faces viewing my profile, sprinkled with a familiar face here and there. I think I had the most hits when I used that picture highlighting my um, chest, as my primary photo.

So, Sophia Bush and Chad Michael Murray have seperated after 5 months of marriage. Theyre Brooke and Lucas of One Tree Hill fame, and is it wrong for me to feel relieved that even a beautiful girl like girl has problems with keeping a man? Or that he has problems keeping her? But at the same time, Im saddened as I truly had faith in said couple. But it comforts me, as horrible as that sounds, that beauty isnt insurance against unhappiness within a relationship.

Its the weekend again, how fast the week goes by. Tonight there are wavering plans regarding a beach party and drinking and clubbing. So it all really depends on where my girls are at, coz wherever they are, thats where Ill be. Drinking does nothing to me of late, because I will never drink past the tipsy stage as my crowd has bets on me spewing tonight. Just because among us, I really have never yakked because of alcohol before. Its an experience, they say. hmph =P I dont want it. Its so embarassing.

Saturday, dont laugh, Im attending an Undergraduate Business Conference. Oh joy. Haha.

I honestly need a hobby.

I've accomplished a lot of things in my life. But they were mostly things that didnt really require much physical capability, its always been my brain or my hands or my voice or some aspect of my mental and emotional being. I've been called mature by some and immature by others.

But last night I did something that isnt very remarkable and yet Im on a buzz righjt now from achieving said action more than I was when I won any of my awards in high school or accomplished 99% of anything I've even accomplished.

Yeah, me of the I cant ride a bike to save my life fame? I rode a scooter last night.

And I was perfectly sober too.

..yeah, its the little things that make me happy. =)

She said she usually cried once a day. Not because she was sad, but because the world was so beautiful and life was so short. -- unknown

So, I just finished all my mid semesters and now Im doing a massive assignment for one more unit, which I will submit by 12 noon today. Yes, its currently 5 am. I am tired. Very tired.

But the weekend is promising. I hope that it will be fun. I will be very sad if I dont have fun. In other news, here are some random pics. The first pic was taken about a week before the second ones. Can you see the difference in hair length? My hair is crazy.

teaser: . haha.



Myself, 'dad' and Shwe.




I did not realise how seethrough the top was until AFTER the pictures were taken, AFTER I went dancing, and only found out today when I looked at the pictures. Woe is me and prolly half of this areas population who I flashed so indecently.



The ladies.

Im DONE WITH EXAMS. For now. Oh, JOY. I have been awake for 40 hours. Sleep. Requested.

well, maybe there's a God above
but all i've ever learned from love
was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you
it's not a cry that you hear at night
it's not somebody who's seen the light
it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

The last things I've ingested are melon milk, jack daniels, coke, sprite and random fries.

If the Planetshakers mean anything to anyone, the Christian Western Australian band, along with Matt Garner leading, gave two free shows last night and on Sunday night. I went last night, and it was the bomb. I enjoyed myself thoroughly, I never knew there were so many people interested in said band before. Have to admit I went because I feel like somethings missing lately and I felt a void I needed to fill. Havent really been the good Christian girl lately. Managed to break through the crowd afterward and got their autographs on a bandaid, as its the only thing I had which could be written on. It worked out.

The night followed on to Atmosphere for dinner, great ambience, and heh, pool and drinking at Balcony. The guys bought bottles of liquor, and I really was just a tag along as I was hitching a ride home with the girl I was with, a friend, and we were the only two girls in the crowd. Believe me when I say I sat at a corner and read chick lit,Jane Green's 'To Have And To Hold', with a glass of coke by my side. The threat of exams and assignment due were killing me. I just wasnt up to really drinking and my pool skills are questionable at best. ;) Sure, I had JD, but whiskey never really does set well with me, I think I am and always will be a vodka/bacardi/midori/tequila/baileys girl. The guys were funny and fun though, so it wasnt like I was in bad company. Laughter all around. Good and unexpected night, I got a ride home and downed melon milk to fight the overload of JD (yuck) in my system.

There's this belt I wear with everything. Those in uni and those who know me in real life have probably seen me in it. Its this weird denim thing with a gold buckle. One side is light blue and the other is dark, I can wear it either way, so it goes with most things. I used to never wear belts, but this belt has somehow become something Im attached to. When I dont wear it, I feel like somethings missing. Totally. Random.

I can be so together but lately I feel so well, not. I could go on all day dissecting my current mood but well, youre all saved by my need to cram for exams and finish up an assignment.

These Words

In my whole life I've known these truths
That while my face may not be the prettiest
And my voice not exactly the loveliest
And while my wit may not be the sharpest
My heart not the warmest
My smile not the brightest
I could always use another spark of talent
I suppose I'm a born writer or have a flair for speeches
I've always been good with words.

My fingers, they do the magic, by keyboard or pen
Flying over the paper, they are making beauty
I can speak and say just the right things
To make you smile/ To make you fall
I can jerk a tear with the right comma
I can poke a chuckle with the right verb
I could make you believe I know what I believe in
I can even make you believe in me.
I can make you fall in love with me.
I've always been good with words.

"Youre too good with words"
Said in whispers or in awe or in disbelief
The sentence that has shaped my life.
What teachers would say when marking my work
What best friends would say when I showed them poems
What mom said when I won those writing competitions
Ironic then.
Its exactly what you said when we broke up.

See, you loved me first, and I had no interest
But you were good and you were kind
And my manipulative side flew over me
I was good with words and I made you believe
Perhaps to assure you as much as to convince myself
It was like a game to get that smile and hug from you
Which words would work best?
Your kiss was a prize to my little word games
I made you believe I loved you
That I wanted you
Before I ever really did

For a while, it worked out, my words and your actions
While you showed me your love, I spoke my love
I spoke, and I wrote, and I spoke and spoke again
Never realising that my words were becoming cheap
That my actions were not quite getting there
That while you believed at first
Your ears were becoming weary
And it was like you were seeing me in a different light
You couldnt believe you fell for this
You realised just how good I was with words

It was too late by the time I really meant it
It was too late, too late, by far
When we were breaking up, and I said I loved you
I said it, and I meant it, heartbreakingly, I meant it
In your tired mind, my words sounded hollow and my tears seemed fake
I had taken your heart and played with it for far too long
And I know it hurt you to give my heart back
That hurt was probably nothing
In comparison to how I had hurt you
When you realised
How good I was with words.


"Youre too good with words" you choked out
And with that, I knew our fate
I knew that it was over.
How I wish now that I wasnt.
I forgot to factor other hearts into it.
And now I regret every syllable
I regret every word that passed my lips
Every sentence I played with my tongue
I regret every letter I wrote to you that made you fall
I was just too good with my words, I used them to keep you
And now I dont have you
And when i get older and I remember you and I remember us
Its sad to admit, its heartbreaking to confess
This is just between us, these words
Because this is what im good at, loving is just too hard
When Im older
I'll have
nothing but these words.

-Written by me at a spur of a heartfelt moment

"Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves." ~ James Matthew Barrie

HALT! All who read this, please sign my graffiti board:

http://www.piclibs.com/graffiti.php?id=2623

Go go! Do with it as you will, inspirational quotes, comments about you, me, the weathewr, whatever, but like, go. Like, make it somethingn which makes sense only to you and me. =)

=P

Im such a dork.

In other news, one exam down, two more to go. &breathes&

Planning to head out with the girlfriends tonight. I havent had a good dancing session in a while. Or maybe just chill. Whatever, tonight will be a good time to let my hair down and escape from the books for a little bit. My friends 21st totally turned me off chivas. *shudder*

I hope the weekend will be an uneventful one. No more drama, I think Ive jad enough in the past month to last me for the whole semester.

Sign my graffiti wall!!

Because the things you're scared of are the most worthwhile. Just a theory- Chasing Liberty

If someone wrote a book about your life, would anyone want to read it? Huh?

I dont like the new friendster page. It looks too full and compressed and littered. But the new features look good. Im torn in half. Ah, the imagined problems.

Last night, there was a party for a friends' 21st. It was cool, but my housemates and I only rocked up about a quarter to midnite. There was no food, lol, it was at a bistro, it was all alchohol, soft drinks and cake. I had two of the three, and you can guess which two.

I'm a hot tempered biyatch. I need to keep my temper in check but its hard when the person youre fighting with is someone with a similar eerily identical to yours.

I wish my hair would grow. The annual ball is coming up. I want to go, and while people are worrying about dates, my friends and I are being drama queens and only going if we have good dresses. Ah, gotta love the single life.

Be more concerned with your character than your
reputation. Your character is what you really are while your
reputation is merely what others think you are.


*breathes*

Ive been caring too much about my reputation for the past few weeks, and thats so not me. I have to get over this recent overwhelming self esteeem plunge and just get back out there.

Definitely a must.

The party last week was crazy. I dont remember the sketchy details but kahlua and scooter riding and p0rn on a projector (*shakes head*) and baileys and random card games and dancing and vodka and finger foods and wow night all around.

Must handcuff self to room and books. Must decrease social life. Grr. Arrgh.

Who wants to bet I wont? =P

We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned so as to have the life thats waiting for us
Maybe your luck has changed
Settle down
Maybe I'm just deranged
And on the rebound
Maybe love was the thing
Holding me back from all
Maybe I'm just the thing
To break my own fall

Black Tangled Heart - Silverchair

Well the weekend was fun and I did things I should not blog about, should my family ever stumble upon this blog. I kid. Wholesome. yes. *shifty eyes*

Yesterday was September 11, and I suppose it had four seperate meanings for me, and years from now, two of those meanings will still echo in me years on.

Firstly and most obviously, it is the remembrance of 9/11, and to me, thats significant because it was the first time America was put into a position that countries in Africa and Asia face every day. And it was no less tragic.

Secondly, it was the day I had to change my contact lenses. Monthly disposable ones. Every 11th. Ive lost my glasses, and even then, those glasses are fitted with lenses that I had on when I was 11.

Thirdly, it was the day of the Curtin Carnival. Thats right, my uni had a carnival, which, to me, was disappointing as it didnt have a bouncer. But other than that, there was food aplenty, games, fun and performances and the campus was more lively in those few hours than its ever been any other day. I was hoping to win the mega prize of an Ipod Mini, but alas, it wasnt to be.

Finally, had the boy and I not broken up, it would have been our 3rd month together. Dont get me wrong, I dont want him back, no no. Im still hurt by what happened and I have so many what ifs and how comes in my head that will probably never be answered. All Im saying is fact. It would have been our 3rd month and while a part of me is hurting about the loss of that wonderful relationship in my life, the rest of me is slowly but surely coming to terms with not being in it anymore. Ill be fine, people.

Other than that, yeah.

Im good.

Except you know. Mid sems coming up. Grr. Arrgh

And Ehon. He came to Miri!! Words cant express my thrill. =D

That's the thing about letting old lovers go. You don't stop loving some of them. There are a couple you love no less than you ever did. Not to mention names...but I'm still in love with a couple. You're not going to try to make it work again, but if they needed you, you'd drop everything.
-- Tori Amos

I am forever changed by him, and I hope he misses me.