My Photo
Name:
Location: Kazakhstan

I never seem to run out of things to say.



*HUGS* TOTAL! give Izzah more *HUGS*
Get hugs of your own

 


and my interests include
cheesecake / life and love / sate/ baileys/ seafood/ pralines/ sheesha/ rollercoasters/ joyriding/ learn to sleep more/ writing/ vodka on the rocks/ menthol puffs/ mixing spices / manila / brunei / miri/ kk / good coffee / "i love you's" / moments / words / rainy days / airports / sunsets / spontaneity / beautiful shoes / food in all its forms / my baby brother / eyeliner / books / sweet SMS's / sucker for anything acoustic / laughter


Things To Do Before I Turn 22
Get that overdue drivers license

Visit a new country

Travel

Learn to cook

Live and love


Beautiful People
My Loved Ones

and you said...



Rewind

Archives

  • I think that my ability to get PERFECT in Soul Cal...
  • Archives

  • We don't see things how they are, we see things ho...
  • Archives

  • and if you find a love like mine/ just now and the...
  • Archives

  • “I’m gonna base this moment on who I’m stuck in a ...
  • Archives

  • Excerpt off a usually mean guy friend convo, tryin...
  • Archives

  • I've learned that just because someone doesn't lov...
  • Archives

  • Be not forgetful to entertain strangers, for there...
  • Archives

  • It's Christmas Eve day, both an eve and a day. A C...
  • Archives

  • Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy ...
  • Archives


    Powered by Blogger


    Blogskin by CoCoNuT^iCe.
    Shoutbox by Tag-board.
    Pictures hosted on Photobucket.
    Blog hosted by Blogger.


    While everything around me is ever changing, ever dying, there is underlying that change a living power that is changeless, that holds all together, that creates, dissolves and recreates....For I can see in the midst of death, life persists, in the midst of untruth, truth persists, in the midst of darkness light persists ~Mohandas K. Gandhi Site Fights Spirit Counter

    twenty. loud. addicted to certain fandoms. reads fanfiction. likes to twist the written word. can talk about anything under the sun (and thats the problem). This blog is a compilation of my thoughts and my life...so you know it wont be very interesting. ;)

    Friday, November 26, 2004

          
    sister hazel is love
    brought to you by the isLove Generator


    YAY! I love Sister Hazel!!! :P I do! I do!!!

    Hey, guess what world, Im back in Brunei.

    Shout out to RON for helping me pack up my computer, Zabihah for keeping some stuff, and especially to Sam, for helping me carry my stuff down! He was such an angel!! I couldnt have done it without him! *dramatic tear* :)

    On my last few days, it was very cool. I spent time talking to people and saying goodbye to those leaving Curtin for good (YANI! SAM! JACK! CHELSIA! EHON! SITI! NO!!!!) and those of us gonna be seeing each other next semester, well, *HUGS TIGHT*

    And its the end of my first year of uni? yay?

    We even had a goodbye party for darling GIG aka EHON's DEVILS head, EHON. IM GONNA MISS THAT PIGGIE SO MUCH :( It was SO sweet. I cried! But I think I cried with laughther when Sam, Ron and Ehon all were um, forced to go into the lake. hahaha! But then they retaliated by hugging us girls and Im telling ya, that wasnt pretty :P

    Next semester I have no idea where im gonna be living. in a house or at dorms, its all shake up at the management with wanting to move international students whove been living at the hostels for over a year out. and the hostels have basically been my home for the past two years, with me more or less calling the people there family. so if we all do move out, i dont know what its gonna be like, living in houses.

    I have a potential housemate, Zabihah, for over at Curtin Village. We'll see how it goes.

    Today was my dad's 54th birthday and he stumbled in in crutchs and his leg is in a cast. but in the past few days ive been home, he hasnt uttered or evoked a sound of pain or complaint, though the pain is etched in his face. makes me feel guilty for all the bad ive thought of himover the years. he's so strong.

    slowly we're changing roles from caregiver to caretaker and vice versa and im not sure how that makes me feel.

    My brothers and I hung out the other day, buying gifts for my dad and cutting their hair. It was cool. My brothers are so cool.

    Im not telling anyone in brunei im back just yet. I need family time. :)

    Im thinking of volunteering at the church next month just coz.

    And im also thinking of, first year after uni, i take a year off and do voluntary christian missionary work. It might be more rewarding than i know. I used to want so badly to evangelise and my spiritual life has been lacklustre over the past few years and well, that part of my life needs rekindling.

    And yeah, now the television is tempting me. :)

    Just one thought. As inevitable as change is, it must happen. Its part of life.

    But sometimes I just wish life would come equipped with the pause button or rewind button :/

    Sunday, November 21, 2004

    And they say youre really only as strong as the cocktails u drink and the girlfriends you keep

    Well, if that quote has any truth in it, then Im pretty darn strong.

    I just finished exams on Friday, 11ish am. The second I walked out of the lecture theatre where I had taken the exam, this amazing exhaustion I had been feeling since last week seemed to lift.

    Or, not really. The exhaustion was still there, but the overwhelming need to shut my eyes and sleep hasnt really come forth, lol. See, running on empty, basically being awake for more than 24 hours, instead of collapsing on my bed like a good girl SHOULD have done to reenergize and recharge, I wound up walking into Ankita quick as a flash, plans were made to go to town with her, Giegel, Shwe, Fiona and Azie. That was crazy! Lol, especially during the whole "meat eaters vs vegetarians unitybandisworsethaneatingmeateatersshouldhavebraces debate!! I swear, Ive never laughed so hard in McDonalds in my life, and I really didnt know vegetarians were violent and such green peas activists :P

    Then, Wani picked Shwe and I up from Bintang and we visited and Rozi's house for Hari Rayaing. It was fun, haha, and the beef rendang her mother cooked was SO good. Philani, Felicia, Kingsley, Jack, Hazel, Rachel..these were some of the people there and ah, it was funny when Rozi brought out the video camera and Rachel and I were being evil and practicing our media skills (read: annoying everyone!).

    Zoomed back to hostels by 6 am, I was just in time to say farewell to a really great friend of mine, Thushara. It was so sad. I hate that everyone Ive grown accustomed to seeing and loving is going!!!!!! Thushie!!! He doubts he's coming back and well, that just sucks, okay?! I gave him a sunflower to remember me by. What? Girls can give guys flowers too. :P It was so cute coz there he was, manly(? ;)) Thush, holding a bright yellow (plastic so it will last longer!) sunflower. I died seeing him laugh so much. The gift really summed up what Thush means to be, a burst of sun whenever I faced my storms.

    THEN, I went to Gretchel's room to talk to her, but fell asleep instead ::embarassing:: sorry ate!! I didnt mean to but the lack of sleep was finally too much.

    Thatsnot the end ofteh story though, hahaha.

    Barke woke me uuuupp! Hahah, she was finding me and she did and we ended up arranging a supposedly girls night out to whereelse, lol, but it ended up with us taking Arif with Barke, Gretchel, Shwe and me, he was our p.i.m.p . for the night. Lol, nah, he was our designated bodyguard lol, but we protected him ;) Ah. That Friday night was prolly one of THE best nights Ive ever had out in Miri! The most unexpected people were there to spice the night up, like Candy, Rai, Ruth, Atif, Johnny, Waqas, Amyn, Yani, Chelsia, in addition to the usual FuduAhmedBong combination ;) Wheee! We took over Balcony at the end and made it our own, that place usually closes at 3 but that morning they let us go on for a extra hour and it was sooo fun. I emphasize the total FUNNESS of this nite/morning, lol.

    Didnt get home till 5ish, and even then, some of us decided we wanted to watch a movie, but well, we ended up falling asleep. Um oops? Youll laugh when I tel you the nameof the movie.

    The Grudge. Yep. That remake of Ju On.

    Maybe I was just too used to Toshiyo already :P We woke up and talked and talked and Barke kept laaaaaughing at the scenes :P

    THEN I crashed back to my room at 10 am and was woken by by Gretchel at 3 pm ish (Thank you, pare!!!!!)and I SHOULD have woken up but I was exhausted! I woke up again when she called me at 5 pm and I quickly RAN to have REALLY quick shower (RECORD time, maybe 5 inutes, my fastest shower ever :P).

    Why? Because i had to catch the bus to the CV Appreciation Dinner at Grand Palace Hotel.

    *grins broadly*

    Aw, it was fun, everyone was wearing formal, except for Krishna, who was punished by being thrown into the pool. Um, three times. And mind you, we all werent supposed to swim in the pool :P And Vijay was great at emceeing and keeping us all alive and having fun (petrol pump anyone? :P) Serena, Gretchel, Snow Jae, Bella, Nadia, Jenny, Sara, Iqbal, Azie, Ron, Abel, Edmund, Nicholas, Zhungyi....cant remember if thats everyone, I was practically half asleep. Hehe. There was ice cream cake, yay, great food, great people, and it was totally a night of appreciation. Very cool, funky night.

    Which of course, didnt end at the hotel.

    Whoot!

    And now Im back here typing this and its almost 10 am and well..now Im really gonna crash to my bed and well....lets pray I wake up within the next day, yes?

    Very good weekend. Excellent stress reliever and tension remover?

    Lets pray my exam results go as excellent :D

    THANK YOU TALAGA, PARE, BASTA, FOR LAHAT :)

    ::The END::.

    (finally)



    Monday, November 15, 2004

    There are many ways to attempt to describe who I am. I could start off with a classic and speak of all the good I’ve done the community, whether or not the nuns at the local church know my name, all the while carefully slipping in the mention of my scores at university and high school extracurricular activities. But I’m not one to do the ordinary. I like to think that I can be set apart from most other people; that I’m not some ‘typical’ teenager. But if I’m not average, then, what am I? I am a collection of nouns. I am the end result of all the people, places and things that I have encountered in my short life.

    -Hope

    I am a reader. Then again who isnt? Anyone who reads textbooks and magazines can claim the same attribute. Yet, to me, its different.

    Why is it that to me, finding the perfect novel, scouring the nearest book store, ravishing the libraries and spending much time in said book holding areas is in a way my ultimate past time? In a strange obscure way, getting lost in a good book and letting it transport you over the pages to exotic destinations but with very real people is more intriguing than to go shopping for shoes, clothes or other things that girls my age should be excited about.

    I daresay that a good book would tide me over, but mockery over that is sometimes more than I can handle.

    And maybe right now I just need to sleep because my exams begin in less than 12 hours.

    Good luck everyone, and happy Raya!!!



    Friday, November 12, 2004

    I went skydiving, I went rocky mountain climbing I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named Fu Manchu And I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter And I gave forgiveness I'd been denying” And he said, “Someday I hope you get the chance To live like you were dyin'"-Tim McGraw







    With all the attention and publicity of CV these days(hey, well deserved publicity, all of them are amazing and talented individuals and so hard working!), it makes me nostalgic to remember the older days. These pics were taken during the Environmental Care Rally 2003, during John Curtin Week 2003.

    Old times. Good times. Agh, that shirt. :D lol

    So, my exams are next week and no, I havent studied, and no, I dont think Ill do well, and yes, Im panicking, yet still sitting here and writing this out.

    Shows I have my priorities on right. ;D

    I cant wait to get my exams over and done with. Accounting Managerial is going to be the death of me. The rest of the subjects are copable. I think I just made a new word.

    Holidays! Ah! I so need and crave.

    Its 7.something am. The sunrise was beautiful, as always.

    Good morning, world.



    Tuesday, November 09, 2004

    Sometimes it's easier to pretend things are okay rather than face a difficult truth. So we go through the motions, the rituals of everyday life. We hope the comfortable rhythms of familiarity will hold off the inevitable just a little longer. Return things to normal...anything to buy us more time. Playing pretend, make believe - it might be one thing we never outgrow. -Everwood

    Deepavali nite..Ill let the pictures speak for themselves, yes? :)



    Evidence of actual performance, lol:


    me and some girls posing:


    Me, about to eat:


    To mimic katie, my sexy foot:


    Me lookin at the wrong camera:


    Me and Shwe.


    The End!





    Sunday, November 07, 2004

    its hard to admit it when something you want isnt always whats good for you

    So the prom and that Indian dance I wrote about was this weekend. It was a blast and a half. More details next post maybe, as Im supremely tired right now, but shout outs to Ehon and Gretchel for the beautiful performance, Giegel for winning Miss Curtin (WHOO!kababayan!)), Sam for letting us girls be so PRIVILEGED to be able to dance with him (he was pimpin :P), Ying for the hilarious tux outfit, gotta love that girl, Barke for her asset hahaha and for being my 'date', dancing r n b amongst teh weirded out technoaddicted others, mocking the slow dancing rituals, eating, the beautiful girls and gorgeous guys, like RUTH, CANDY, SHWE, KINA, TIANG, ENOCK, RON to name a few, lol...the beauty was too much to handle, the night was a BLUR...it was just a nite to let loose and have fun. It was really great, other than the only barely 3 tables of international students amongst a sea of well, not. Its frustrating how so many internationals couldnt/didt get tickets :(

    Im bizarrely relieved its all over and now I can scrape the excitement and giddyness off my face and spirit and plunge into my studies.

    ..Or not.

    Either, way, just because I feel left out and should put photos but havent, heres my fave necklace. For obvious reasons.



    What? I like that necklace.

    Well, its 7 AM. And FEIENDSTER just seems to have conveniently lost all testimonials. This cant be a good sign. *sighs* Sleep wanted.




    Tuesday, November 02, 2004

    "She needed a god, and I was only human." - "The Beast" by Walter Dean Myers.

    It is scary how the appointment of one man to the US presidency is enough to rock the world, in terms of the possibility of a world war and taking down a dictator.

    I've been deluging myself in moving media entertainment lately. So far, Ive watched random episodes of S & The City(well, Curtin blocks this, u see ::) ,Friends and That 70's show, obscure movies that star not so obscure actresses like Jessica Alba, of Dark Angel fame, in Sleeping Dictionary, playing a half white half-Iban native girl (which was a great story, right, Ron, Gretch and Rozi? :P), to movies like the Back To The Future Trilogy, Girl Next Door, Eurotrip, Bridget Jones Diary, The Terminal, and 40 Days and 40 Nights.

    And no, cant say any of them were really intellectually stimulating, but it did provoke the emotional loser in me to sniffle.

    I really want to watch American Beauty. If ANY of you have a copy of it, or know where I can borrow/steal/pillage one from somewhere, let me know, aight?

    Today is also Voting Day in the United States of America.

    This sends shivers down my spine. For the news ignorant, whoever becomes President of the most powerful nation in the world will technically be controlling not just America, but world events for the next four years, so you BETTER pray that its someone worthy.

    Bush? Kerry?

    Its like choosing the lesser of the evils and you dont know whether you want America to pick the evil they know or the evil they dont. Why do we have like 50 candidates for a beauty pageant and only two dominant ones for a presidency?

    The Curtin Grand Ball aka prom is this friday.

    Try and get me excited for the actual event, people, coz for some reason, Im more into the thrill of getting ready and seeing what everyone wears to anything else. Im thinking everyones gonna look so purdy, and Im wishing I had a digital camera right now.

    Theres a whole prom king and queen thing going on. Im not certain of the details, but yeah, that should be fun to see who wins =) I wanna see the talent portion!

    Im also dancing for the Deepavali Night this Saturday. I feel so Indian. =)


    Monday, November 01, 2004

    We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for.....That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse." That the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?" ~Dead Poets Society

    In other news, my parents came for the weekend and it was so nice.

    And I realised how much of my life is affected by my negative attitude and my worry woes and well, I think I need to get rid of that.

    I mean, I already am happy most of the time, but its just that nagging pessimist in me that needs a firm kick.

    And RON and GRETCHEL are the sweetest couple. They must win Sweetest COuple at prom. And if they dont get it, I will create that award for them. Or not. Lol. Thanks, pares.

    I also havent touched a book all week, and my exams are soon, and that is bad and I wish i could say Ive been studying but that would really be a big lie. :P

    I really should study tonite.

    Who wants to bet I wont?

    theres a need to know the difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul

    Today is the birthday of a girl I used to know.

    I say I used to know her, not because she passed away or left my life entirely, but because as I sit here and type this up, I can honestly say that as I gaze at her when she walks past, or when she smiles at me, or when she and I pause in our widely seperate lives and we speak, my heart breaks a little more each time because I can see how far apart we've grown.

    But I see that apart from me, she's grown, she's blossomed. I love the woman she's become, the girl she's shed, and the mixture of both when she thinks no ones looking. I love our past friendship together and nostalgia has washed over me more times than I can count.

    But I need to move on and stop moping and whining that she and I are on completely different paths in life. And I see this. And I see..

    I see how much happier she is this way.
    Seeing her happy is so much more important to me than almost anything, and as I stand here and she stands there, I gaze at the girl I used to know, and know that we didnt mean to drift. It just happens. As they say, sh*t just happens.

    But I cant deny how much happier I see her without my strangling hold on her. Its painful to realise your best friend blossomed even though, or maybe especially because you were gone from her side.

    theres a need to know the difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul

    When I first read that, it made no sense. But today, of all days, I realise how much sense it really does make. And I suppose that Im quitting the whining, and the superficial cries and im just gonna let her go.

    And let her live.

    And Im not going to try and force my way back in..like I always have.

    Perhaps thats a better birthday present than anything I could ever ever give her.

    Today is the birthday of a girl I used to know.

    Happy birthday, girl.